My Why

Self-doubt is crippling.

Imagine waking up in the morning. You don't want to pull the covers down because you'll have to see yourself; you'll have to acknowledge the fact that you are alive for yet another day- unfortunately. Check your phone for every social media account and notification. See that the world hasn't gotten any more interesting while you've slept. Then you walk to the mirror. You manage to avoid the mirror while you brush your teeth, but after you wash your face you accidentally look up. Oh no. There it is, every flaw imaginable. Your eyes are too close together, your nose is pointy, your skin is red and full of imperfections. Good luck covering that up. You manage to get some make up over it and fix your hair somewhat, but of course it's not perfect. It never is. Now clothes. Oh great you have to find things that look good on you. Face it, nothing is going to look good on you; you are too skinny, too fat, too short, too tall, too imperfect. Whatever. T-shirt and jeans it is. Then you have to get to school. Everyone sees you and you know that they all expect something from you. Well today you don't have that to give. Being around people is draining. Being perfect is draining. Check social media.  Oh great, more perfect lives and expectations to live up to. Practice is just you going through the motions. Who really feels like doing this anymore? Then home, homework, internet, and bed. Another day over. Another day closer to dying.

Self-doubt makes days run together and nights run longer, and harder, and scarier.

That was my life until about a year ago. Every day was a motion and being happy only came for a short period of time. I want to say that I got better overnight, but it took a long, long time. Every step I took, a phone screen would pull me two steps back. Social media gave me a standard and I wasn't meeting it.  My life needed to be more meaningful, more interesting, more- well more. I had to finally realize that it was more. I was a leader. I was cheerleading captain, class president, NHS Historian, Student Council parliamentarian, Miss RHS, and prom queen. I realized that teenagers could do so much more than we were expected to do. I realized that these standards we all fall victim to are set by ourselves. We have the power to determine what's popular.

I think that anyone can be a leader. I think that being a leader- realizing I was one- was the thing that made a difference. I think that learning to be unafraid to be myself and learning to use both my strengths and my weaknesses were the things that helped me to be confident. I am a leader. I am strong. I am confident.

I believe others should feel this way too.