Mr. South Texas : Boyfriends in Pageantry

In honor of all you pageant pros with S.O.s, I thought I'd write a post about boyfriends. Yes, this partially an excuse to brag on my beau, but it is also a way of showing everyone that we are real people. 

The current Miss America, Kira Kazantsev, has a boyfriend-- no way right? The Miss America before her, Nina Davuluri, had one too. No pageant friends, I'm not saying you need to go out and get yourself a boyfriend by any means! I just want to let the world know some of the things guys have to put up with and talk about something people think about, but never actually mention. Me being me, I compiled a list of why my boyfriend is awesome and some of the things he has to deal with as the other half of a beauty queen.

1. Yes I am busy! Between paperwork (there is a lot of that), appearances, fittings, talent rehearsals, spray tanning appointments, and so many other things I sometimes don't even have time to sit down. If I were to win the title of Miss Texas, my year would be the absolute busiest of my life! The great thing about having a boyfriend with all of this? He makes me calm. He can tell when I'm stressed or overwhelmed and just gives me a hug. The best thing about having him is that he knows when I am busy and he respects that I love what I'm doing. Yes it gets hard to communicate sometimes when we're both running a million directions, but we always find some time.

2. Heels create an interesting situation. He's a good 4 inches taller than me when I'm standing flat footed, if not more, but when I have my 3-inch heels on it's funny how upset he gets! Lol no, he's usually a good sport, but he definitely likes being taller. 

3. Make up is always fun. I'm not usually a fan of wearing a whole lot, and my stage make up... yikes! He loves when I don't wear make up, but it's always encouraging to hear that I look beautiful-- even with so much stuff on my face. 

4. Pageant diets suck! I'm just going to say it. I am the last person to promote healthy eating. Let's face it, I grew up in East Texas. I live on pizza, cheeseburgers, mac n cheese, and bar-b-que. When I have to I can eat right and exercise, but most of the time I just do the exercise part. I love that my person doesn't judge me for not doing things the conventional way. In fact, he likes it.

5. When I get an interview, he gets an interview. I get asked so many questions every time I Skype with my interview coach. Naturally I'm curious about his answers too! He's gotten pretty used to the most random questions at the most random times. "If you could be on the cover of any magazine, which one would it be and why?"

6. It's like a sorority. I'm not generally the sorority type. Yes I look like it, but trust me, my personality does not allow for that. However at Miss Texas, I've found that I've gotten to know a lot of girls very quickly and I've made some great friends! He's constantly having to learn new names and faces and he handles it so well!

7. OMG I have to wear a swimsuit in front of people. This one has a funny story. Two of his friends wanted to come cheer me on on that night and he got very protective. I find this adorable, but honestly, he knows that if I'm confident enough to parade around in a swimsuit in front of hundreds of people, I'll be okay with a few familiar faces. I'm proud of him for being so concerned though;)

8. Yes I have to buy a tan... and hair... and nails. It's just part of the gig. I've actually found that when I have a tan it enhances the things I like about myself. When my hair is done I walk with a little more pep in my step. I'm not really sure why, but I just feel that much more confident in myself. While the concept is a little funny, he still supports me doing what I love.

9. I'm generally a pretty confident person. And I value being strong and independent. I know a lot of girls like this in pageant world and, let me tell you, it takes a special kind of person to deal with one of those! I can't tell you how many times I've worried about being too much for one person, but he's proved to me time and time again that anyone worth it will be able to handle it and love and support me anyway. 

10. I think sometimes he's kind of proud of me. I mean, when he changed his Twitter name to "Mr. South Texas" and all of his friends started calling him that, I figured as much. It's honestly such a great feeling having someone other than my family purposefully choosing to deal with me and all of my opinions. 

In the end, he's such a good sport, one of my biggest supporters, and my best friend. I couldn't imagine doing what I do without him!

Why We Need Miss America

As most of you pageant people know, there was an article written after the Miss America competition last Sunday. This article is in response to that.

Dear Mr. Gallagher,
First of all, you've never worked with, competed in, nor had anything to do with the Miss America organization excepting sitting on your butt watching the live broadcast of finals night. Therefore the fact that I'm dignifying what you've said with a response is beyond me. However I can give you the names of about 56 young women and an entire organization who would stand behind me when I say that it is people like you who motivate us to do what we do.

Let me tell you why:

The 2016 Miss America competition is absolutely necessary because each contestant in the competition is highly qualified, incredibly motivated, and firm in her beliefs. Those are the role models we need--not the all-too-common oversexualized, unhealthy-lifestyle-promoting pop stars of our generation. The goal at the end of the night is not to crown "the perfect woman," but to give one woman the opportunity of a lifetime. The crown on her head is not some justification for being a "basic bitch," but an actual tool. The four points on the crown stand for the four basic pillars of the organization: service, style, scholarship, and success... But I've already written an article on that. It is also a tool in the sense that it provides a platform. How many times have you looked at the crown on her head instead of her face? The crown then becomes a gateway to address the wearer's chosen social issue. Each phase of the competition serves a specific purpose for the women competing and if they--as feminist, opinionated, and determined as most of them are--have no problem doing what they do and find meaning in it, let them do it. I'd rather see a young girl impersonating Miss America than Miley Cyrus.

Now for your list:

1. The Opening Number

Atlantic City was gracious enough to host the entire Miss America class of 2016 for two weeks before you tuned in on Sunday night. As a sponsor,-- and a big one--our host city, and the place of our headquarters, the organization owes an awful lot to the city. The opening number isn't even completely about introducing the contestants. It's about showing off the city.

2. Kevin O'Leary

OSQ is hard AF. Please please please go stand on stage in front of thousands of people and a camera that is recording live for yet millions more and tell me you want the question read quickly with lots of intonation. Go ahead.

3. The Winning Reactions

There are 52 contestants standing on stage. Only 15 are called to move on to the next phase of competition. Then 12, 10, 7... you get it. Each time your name is called you are closer to being the one. How would you react if your team moved on to the next round of playoffs? I say they're genuine.

4. Competition Music

Finals night is, for the girls, the last phase of competition. But for the rest of America, it's all we get to see. So ultimately, to keep the audience entertained, we need a production going on around the girls. You'd be complaining if Nick Jonas picked some obscure music no one had heard before. At least he picked songs people knew and that the girls could get some energy from. And he was hired to do a job, but it's not like it exactly came with an instruction manual. Sit down.

5. Fashion

Everyday people and their fashion are inspired by whatever! I guarantee you if you stopped a normal girl on the street and asked her for her fashion inspiration she'd tell you she saw it on Pinterest. Not every girl is there for her interest in fashion. Not every girl normally has access to designer gowns either, forgive her if her fashion icon comes from her life and not the fashion world.

6. Interesting Facts

She told the world something that was important to her and seemed like an interesting highlight of her life. You got a bunch of people to read your rant... Congratulations.

7. The Monologue

Her interesting fact was actually empowering. There are girls who often get made fun of because of their height and the fact that she worked hard and used the Miss America stage to talk about something she cared deeply about was just added encouragement to girls who are self-conscious about their height. It's not a hindrance, it makes you powerful.

Her monologue was something she wrote herself from her life experience and was ten times better than your article.

8. South Carolina OSQ

Refer to number two. That is her opinion... or it's not. She had twenty seconds to say what came to her mind. Again... you try it.

9. Miss Georgia's On-Stage Question

She didn't pick the question. It doesn't count much toward the final score anyway. It's not as important  as people think it is unless it's really close.

10. Scholarship

You didn't even write this one... You left a link to a video someone else did. But nonetheless this goes back to sponsors again. Let's say a school offered you a full-ride academic scholarship, but you didn't take it because you would rather go to another school and play the sport you love for half the money. Would you deny the fact that another school offered you money? I'm going to guess no. I do believe the words were "made available." By not acknowledging the scholarships donated by state schools--whether they were accepted or not--we lose the gratitude we have for those who were so generous. There are TONS of scholarships that go to waste every year because people didn't bother to apply. That doesn't mean they weren't offered.



In the end, you had good points for an outsider. We do what we do because we love it. For us, pageantry is just another platform--like blogging. We can earn scholarships, gain opportunities, get our opinions heard, and do incredible things. Miss America is proof we need better role models, whether you think so or not.

Link to the article by Mr. Gallagher:

http://www.vh1.com/news/205526/miss-america-why-beauty-pageants-shouldnt-exist/

Let's Talk About This Swimsuit Competition

Photo By: Jim Hansen, At Miss South Texas Pageant January 17, 2015.

Okay. With the new #YesAllWomen campaign, #HeForShe, and several other movements towards gender equality, it's no shock that the swimsuit competition is becoming more and more controversial. It was okay when women's worth came from her body, but now that women's worth is becoming a broader term that encompasses so much more, people are starting to ask me the "tough questions." Should the swimsuit portion be done-away-with? How can you participate in something so degrading? Doesn't it go against your religious beliefs?

Well here are my answers:

Q: Should the swimsuit portion be done-away-with?

A: Absolutely not. Before you conservatives out there jump my case, hear me out. I get it. I grew up conservative and have gone to plenty of church-sponsored, school-sponsored, and even friend-related events where I have been asked to wear a tshirt over my two-piece swimsuit. One-pieces are great if that is what you are comfortable and confident in. I have friends that only wear one-ieces and that's because they think that style of swimsuit is what fits them best. That is terrific! Personally, however, I have always found it more uncomfortable to wear a one-piece because I felt that it only drew attention to the fact that my body is shameful. I am perfectly confident in the body God gave me and I know that I and a lot of my pageant sisters have worked hard to keep our bodies healthy and happy. Why shouldn't we show off all of that hard work? It would be like training for a marathon only to never run it. Another reason the swimsuit competition is necessary is because it shows your physical determination to be the titleholder. Fitness is something you work on daily. A lack of effort will show. As a titleholder- in my case, Miss Texas- your job will be just as physically demanding as it is mentally and emotionally. You are expected to get up at 4:00 in the morning after getting home at 1:30am and go speak and make appearances with the highest level of enthusiasm and energy possible. The judges already know you can handle topics ranging from personal hobbies to current events, and they already know that you are passionate about your platform; this is your chance to get into their heads the idea that you can handle all aspects of the job.

Q: How can you participate in something so degrading?

A: Because it gives me an opportunity to make a stand. Body-shaming is real, y'all. To all of the liberals who write letters about school and church dress codes, this portion of the competition says exactly what you are trying to say. My body is what I and only I make of it. I happen to love mine. I have worked very hard to get myself to love mine- mentally more than physically. I used to hate it, and I thought I had to hide it so no one would think less of me. I realized that the sexualization of my body was not my problem; it was society's. If I am confident enough in myself to be completely vulnerable in front of a room full of people- no hiding behind rhinestones or expensive fabric- I am confident enough to overcome anything. The girls in the Miss America pageant system are scored higher in interview and talent than in swimsuit, evening gown, and onstage question. Know why? Because women are valued more than their pretty face and expensive spray tan. The sooner girls figure that out, the less money they spend on pageantry (Thank goodness. I would have been broke ages ago!) and the closer they get to winning their dream job. 

Q: Doesn't it go against your religious beliefs?

A: Again I say: Absolutely not. The Bible was written when it was still okay to own slaves and sell your virgin daughter to the highest bidder. After Jesus, we suddenly no longer believe in slavery. So... check one for Jesus! What about the whole selling your virgin daughter thing? Oh sorry, marrying... Back then a women's greatest asset was her body. Emphasis on the virgin part. People don't buy dogs who have already had puppies, they want the puppies! (Too far? I think it makes the point.) Modern media still reinforces this ideal of the women's best asset being her body. Men sexualize women. Women sexualize women. The cycle never ends. Did you know that even up through the 1900s men were required to wear shirts to the beach? Then eventually men progressed to no shirts at all- no shame for them. The point is, my wearing a swimsuit on stage is not a slap in the face to my religion. I'm just choosing to believe that Christ didn't pick and choose which wrongdoing of humanity God should forgive. Personally I'd like to believe that when Christ died for a sin of mine, it was not the "sin" where I am confident enough in God's gifts and plan for me that I am okay with being vulnerable. And if a man has a problem with that, that's his sin not mine and I'm not responsible for it.

So that's my take on it and if you don't agree that's perfectly fine. That's why God gave us thoughts and ideas- to ask questions. I choose to do pageants because I see an opportunity for myself and a platform for me to use to help others. If letting my confidence show is part of the gig, I'm game.

Words

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but last I checked, cuts and bruises heal. You can watch them heal with time and you can take medication to lessen the pain.

Words-- words are so much more powerful. They don't just hurt you, they stay in your mind and every time you pull out the memory, you accidentally cut yourself. Words have this ability to snake their way around every wall we put up around our hearts and slice open even the coldest and most rigid of them.

Words are what we are taught from a young age to be the most important thing that makes us human. Words are what separate us from the animals of the earth-- and sometimes what brings us closer.

Words on a page, words on jealous lips, words on a screen, words in your head, they all hurt. Words don't callus with time. Every time we think of them, words just open a new wound we thought we had forgotten about.

Sometimes words manifest themselves physically.

I knew a girl, and her father's words manifested themselves in bruises, and yet another whose words from her own brain manifested themselves as cuts and scars. Neither of them were less beautiful. But the world told them so.

I knew a boy and the words of the people who tormented him manifested themselves in his drawings and he was all but too scared to ask for help because what escape is there now? Everywhere there is a screen, the words come.

Words are a cycle, a never-ending cycle, that gets passed down from generation to generation. Because the only words we were allowed to pick up were words of hate, envy, segregation, and distinction. The only way we could feel better is by not being at the bottom. So we put someone else there.

We think we are brave until we are asked to use words. More than words. Telling the world is hard sometimes, but there are some words people just can't die without hearing.

Sometimes the only words people need are, "I'm listening."

What Makes You Courageous?

I want to be honest. I want to be completely transparent and open about the fact that I am not perfect. I think that so often kids are presented with these role models and think that the bar is set so high there is no way a "normal" person would be able to reach it. 

I think this was probably the hardest stereotype I had to face. The way media works is that people post only the highlights- the best parts- of their lives. They leave out the boring bits. The problem is that the type of timeline that creates in our heads is only made up of what we know about them, and then we create this idea that their life is perfect. Suddenly we start comparing every aspect of our lives to the mere peaks of theirs.

Look at a mountain. How big is the peak? How much space does it actually take up? How much work goes into actually getting to the top?

Exactly.

When I think about the types of role models I want to have in my life, the first word I want to be able to describe them with is "accessible." I want to know that they are "normal" too. Of course I want to set my goals high and the only reason normal is in quotations is because the term is relative to me. My normal is goofy, weird, personable, crazy, and not always perfect. However, normal doesn't have to mean mediocre. My role models set goals and realize the work that has to go into achieving them. 

I want people to know that I am accessible. I am silly, stubborn, crazy, sassy, and I have a story too. I was not always who I am today. I hid myself for a long time.

I want to be brave enough to tell the world about the parts of me I've hidden for so long. I want to lean on God and trust that He will not let me fall on my face, but if He does, I trust He will give me the sense of humor to laugh it off and the faith to try it again. 

When a young man named Joshua was told that God had chosen him to lead God's people he was afraid. He was insecure. God assured Joshua that no matter what, if he trusted Him, the Lord would be with him wherever he went. So he pushed past the insecurities and the self-doubt and followed God. He lead God's people to the promised land and he changed the world.

I want to live like that. I want to trust in God. But most importantly I want to know about everyone else. 

What makes you courageous?

#LIVEcourageously

Alex

My Why

Self-doubt is crippling.

Imagine waking up in the morning. You don't want to pull the covers down because you'll have to see yourself; you'll have to acknowledge the fact that you are alive for yet another day- unfortunately. Check your phone for every social media account and notification. See that the world hasn't gotten any more interesting while you've slept. Then you walk to the mirror. You manage to avoid the mirror while you brush your teeth, but after you wash your face you accidentally look up. Oh no. There it is, every flaw imaginable. Your eyes are too close together, your nose is pointy, your skin is red and full of imperfections. Good luck covering that up. You manage to get some make up over it and fix your hair somewhat, but of course it's not perfect. It never is. Now clothes. Oh great you have to find things that look good on you. Face it, nothing is going to look good on you; you are too skinny, too fat, too short, too tall, too imperfect. Whatever. T-shirt and jeans it is. Then you have to get to school. Everyone sees you and you know that they all expect something from you. Well today you don't have that to give. Being around people is draining. Being perfect is draining. Check social media.  Oh great, more perfect lives and expectations to live up to. Practice is just you going through the motions. Who really feels like doing this anymore? Then home, homework, internet, and bed. Another day over. Another day closer to dying.

Self-doubt makes days run together and nights run longer, and harder, and scarier.

That was my life until about a year ago. Every day was a motion and being happy only came for a short period of time. I want to say that I got better overnight, but it took a long, long time. Every step I took, a phone screen would pull me two steps back. Social media gave me a standard and I wasn't meeting it.  My life needed to be more meaningful, more interesting, more- well more. I had to finally realize that it was more. I was a leader. I was cheerleading captain, class president, NHS Historian, Student Council parliamentarian, Miss RHS, and prom queen. I realized that teenagers could do so much more than we were expected to do. I realized that these standards we all fall victim to are set by ourselves. We have the power to determine what's popular.

I think that anyone can be a leader. I think that being a leader- realizing I was one- was the thing that made a difference. I think that learning to be unafraid to be myself and learning to use both my strengths and my weaknesses were the things that helped me to be confident. I am a leader. I am strong. I am confident.

I believe others should feel this way too.